I heard the knock on the front door. My sweet friend had arrived with her mom.
“She brought a book she found at the library and said she wanted to read it to you,” her mom explained with eyebrows raised.
“Oh good! We’ve been talking about this. Has she told you?” I smiled.
“Yes, she did. I’m so glad you’re helping. I honestly didn’t know how to handle the subject. Then it came up at school and I’m at a loss.”
“Well, I don’t have all the answers…but I think there are answers and I’ve given this a good deal of prayer and thought since yesterday. I’ll keep you posted.” With a wink and a wave, she closed the door behind her, calling goodbye to her daughter.
“Oh, I see you’ve brought some things. Show me what you have,” I said as I helped her off with her coat and shoes.
“I brought my LOL dolls and some gummies….and this book from the library,” she explained.
“We’re going to have an interesting day, then. And remember we’re going to bake some banana bread for you to take home today, too.”
She quickly went to the table and began to open her tiny dolls and arrange them just so.
“I see you have a little family there. Tell me about it.” I ventured
“It’s a daddy and mommy and sister and baby,” she began. “They are a family God’s way, huh?”
“They look like they are.”
“But I have two mommies and just one daddy.” Her perception was beyond her age. Indeed, not everyone finds a lifetime spouse.
“Hmmm. You mean you have two women and one man doll? Which one is the mommy?”
“The one with the purple pants.”
“What do you think God wants the lady in black pants to do if she isn’t married?”
“I don’t know. Will she get in trouble with God?” She stopped her play and looked up at me, concern on her face.
“Remember we talked about how Jesus said not everybody needs to get married?”
“He did!” Her honest surprise made me laugh. I love kids and watching them discover the meaning of things for the first time.
“He did.” I assured her. “In fact, when He told his disciples that God never wanted families to come apart, he also told them that not everyone needed to be married. God had other things in mind for them to do to make the world a better place.”
“Like what kind of things?”
“Doing their work, helping and loving their parents and relatives and neighbors. Teaching Bible class or being a college teacher.” The more I talked, the more enthusiastic my voice became. “She could be a doctor or scientist, or maybe even an astronaut! Or maybe a missionary who lives on the other side of the world. Or maybe just being the best aunt in the world who knows all about Jesus and His ways!”
“Oh.” She turned back to her miniature family and said, “Aunt Sally is here for dinner. Kids give her a kiss!” Then she looked at me and, smiling, continued. “Aunt Sally’s been a missionary helping the starving children in Africa! She’s a doctor!” She certainly grasped the concept. Then she stopped and looked at me wide-eyed. “But will Aunt Sally be sad that she doesn’t have a husband or a baby?” Her eyes widened.
“You know she might be sad from time to time. But if she wants to get married, she always can. But if she’s not married, God wouldn’t want her to have a baby without a daddy to help. But she could take care of children who don’t have mommies and daddies to help them. ”
“Oh yeah! That would be good!”
“And when I read my Bible, I see lots of ladies who didn’t have husbands or children and they were very important friends of Jesus and did very important things, too.”
“Well…there were two sisters named Mary and Martha, and another lady named Mary Magdalene, and some other ladies that worked in the church with the Apostles. Let’s see….there was a lady named Phoebe and one named Lydia, and a girl named Rhoda…and maybe more.”
“Wow! I didn’t know Jesus knew that many girls!” I laughed and hugged her. She was so much fun! “But my book talks about two mommies. Why?”
“Remember I said that there were a lot of people in this world with a lot of different ideas? And remember how we said that some people don’t know God’s ways, and others just don’t want God or anyone to tell them what to do?”
“Well, the person who wrote that book wanted children to think that having two mommies and no daddy is fun. But God made it so only a mommy and a daddy can make a baby. If mommies and daddies stopped having babies, we’d run out of humans. Sometimes people do wrong things and we may be disappointed. And sometimes people want us to like everything they do. But we just don’t. But that’s OK, too. It’s always right to choose God’s ways for ourselves.”
“But we still treat other people like we want to be treated,” she added seriously.
“Yes. We can always treat others kindly. Sometimes two men want to get married, or people live together and don’t want to get married. And there are even some people who don’t want to take care of the babies God gives them.”
“Why don’t people want their babies!?” She said as she stopped and looked at me in shock.
“Honey, people sometimes just don’t want God or anyone else stopping them from doing what they want to do. So they make up their minds to do whatever they want or think of doing. The saddest part is that they’ve missed out on the beautiful plan God had for their lives and sometimes it’s because nobody told them what God’s plan was. That’s why I’m glad you asked your question. I’m glad you know God’s dreams for you.”
“Me, too.” She smiled up at me. “I want God’s dreams for me to come true. ”
“Me, too,” I echoed. “I hope you’ll always try really hard to listen to God’s word and learn His ways as long as you live. Then all God’s dreams for you can come true.” I gave her a hug and said, “You ready to bake that banana bread now?”
“Yes! Can I crack the eggs?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NOTES TO THE READER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our story is obviously elementary in nature; however, the issues addressed span all ages. We hope you’ve gleaned from this the following points:
- We need to adopt God’s perspective toward masculinity and femininity and avoid being offended when a person’s demeanor isn’t in line with modern western viewpoints. (Examples being men who cook, sew, decorate, or are quieter in nature. Or women who are independent, leaders by nature, not gifted in domestic pursuits.) It is the object(s) of sexual desire and the behavioral outworkings of that desire which are paramount, not how personalities and talents coincide with particular stereotypical gender roles.
- Accepting God’s wise design regarding marriage and singleness, realizing that everyone–whether married or single–has to learn to say (and accept) “NO” to sexual activity with anyone other than their spouse as husband and wife. This is a mark of maturity and a life skill.
- Value celibate singleness as a legitimate God-blessed choice and the opportunities it affords for individuals to serve our Master with fewer distractions. And whether it is chosen for a lifetime or just for a pre-marriage season, we must teach our children the responsibilities singleness holds.
- Related to number 1 above, understand that the word “gay” is sometimes used to refer to anyone who doesn’t fit into the stereotypical gender molds. This can result in our children concluding that if they feel “different,” then they must be “gay.” This perversion is usually orchestrated by the adults who push these confused youth over the psychological cliff by reinforcing and perpetuating this overly-broad application of “gayness.”